it's just an expression

for some reason i feel the need to spill my thoughts on this; i can't concentrate on anything until these words are put into reality. for a while now i have been telling myself that i don't need this, that i don't need or want much to do with you, that it's all done, but today i relapsed once again. i had decided i was fine without you, that i was moving on from this little... detour i took for a while. something else caught my eye and i was diving headfirst into the new and shooting straight out of the old, but today it's a different story. instead of feeling the breeze in my hair as i run after the future and keep pushing through these changes that occur, today i feel as though a brick wall that is miles long has been placed in my path. not only am i stuck, but it's as if i'm in some foreign country; nobody else is here with me, not even you. i can't understand what's going on here, and maybe i don't need to, but it still brings confusion. i waste my time just trying to fathom simple thoughts; i daydream in class about the past; i relive the truth and every other possibility in my mind several times a day; i replay things the way i remember them, and maybe even the way i wanted them to happen. is this bad? i don't even know what i'm trying to say here... i just need to ramble for a little before i am relieved. you probably won't ever see this; in fact, i hope you don't. these are things that i will never bring to your attention, not ever.


i've asked with the right intent and bright eyes
but what i can't seem to figure out is how and why
and i can't seem to handle it